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I agree with Kate re: wanting to shorten he beginning, especially since it feels staged to me (!). Maybe move her description of how she works with the business manager from the middle to the beginning to clarify his role: "the business manager plays with the budget...we research what is necessary to get the best bang for our bucks"
Then move to this:
"for us to run the summer school...let's see what they gave us..." include mention of Gateway and his response along with her question re: where to get additional $ ...and looking at next year's budget/x day program.
(omit rephrasing/explanation from Ilona at the end of this piece.)
Include mention of psat/sat courses.
Keep mentions of pd, smaller class sizes (I like the way you used the exterior shot and date of school construction here).
Mentioning of perkins act and other funding sources is great, and keep mentioning of teachers willing to volunteer at the end. Adds a nice punch!
Title: Allocating Resources
Subtitles: Available Funds Programming Needs (transition @ "I've made a commitment...")
2 comments:
I think the interaction at the beginning could be shortened. I found myself wanting to know who the man was.
I agree with Kate re: wanting to shorten he beginning, especially since it feels staged to me (!). Maybe move her description of how she works with the business manager from the middle to the beginning to clarify his role: "the business manager plays with the budget...we research what is necessary to get the best bang for our bucks"
Then move to this:
"for us to run the summer school...let's see what they gave us..." include mention of Gateway and his response along with her question re: where to get additional $ ...and looking at next year's budget/x day program.
(omit rephrasing/explanation from Ilona at the end of this piece.)
Include mention of psat/sat courses.
Keep mentions of pd, smaller class sizes (I like the way you used the exterior shot and date of school construction here).
Mentioning of perkins act and other funding sources is great, and keep mentioning of teachers willing to volunteer at the end. Adds a nice punch!
Title:
Allocating Resources
Subtitles:
Available Funds
Programming Needs (transition @ "I've made a commitment...")
Is there any more broll that might support this?
Thanks!
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